Today

I am very behind on my Capture Your Grief photos on my blog.  I have been uploading them to Facebook.  I feel like they will do more good there.  They will explain to my IRL friends how I'm feeling.  I will update them to here shortly.  Hopefully over the weekend.

Today DH and I both have headaches, probably because of the crazy weather.  It's so cold and damp.  I already miss the summer

I am in the middle of making breakfast for him (yes, I realize it's the afternoon).  And some Madonna song came on and I did a bit of a kitchen dance.  Only to realize that I was alone and doing a kitchen dance... that must mean I have forgotten about Ethan right?  Cue the tears.  Then I remember that I was pregnant with Ethan when I went to the Madonna concert.  It was a pretty racey concert (Madonna, racey, no way!) and I told the baby to put on its earmuffs for some songs... I am happy Ethan's life was full of love and music but I would do anything to have him here.

So then I'm over crying but I'm still feeling sad.  And Michael Buble's "Just Haven't Met You Yet" song comes on.  And I know that is a song that our friends used to sing or relate to their gorgeous baby girl who also didn't make it.

Then after that song, some other song comes on about not being able to survive.

I wish that I could explain to people who haven't gone through this just how hard it is.  How almost every little thing reminds us of what we should, but don't have.

I can picture Ethan sitting in his bumbo or another thing, watching me make his daddy breakfast... I so wish he was here.