The reason that I am behind is that I went up north for the weekend. And I thought about doing the challenge there but then didn't. Instead I enjoyed the company, I enjoyed the beautiful fall colours, I enjoyed life. And you know what? I did not feel that guilty!
I quite often feel like I bring people down when I talk about Ethan. So I try to make jokes in between. But I didn't this time. Speaking of him, his story, my pregnancy, just came naturally. And while it was sad, it didn't break me. And while I would give anything under the sun to have him with me, I know that it is not going to happen. He isn't going to magically appear just because I beg, cry, pray, scream, wish, hope, etc.
Which brings me to "You Now". When I originally thought of this topic, I had a lot of images running through my mind. I had settled on about getting a picture of me and ripping it into a bunch of pieces.
But I think now, 6+ months on, I have a little bit more peace with things. One of my amazing friends told me of her sister's passing and that one day, she just found peace in it. And I think that I'm almost at that point now.
I'm not there yet. I'm not where I was before or even who I was before. I don't think I will ever be. But I am mostly me again, just a bit of a different version. I will always be sad and I will always miss my son. But it does not consume me anymore.
So for today's picture, instead of just ripping the picture of me into a bunch of pieces, I have taped them back together. Some pieces are not in the right position and some are held together by the tiniest piece of tape. But I am mostly whole. And Ethan is covering every single part of my body. Because he is with me always. He is in every breath I take. He is in every laugh, every tear. Every heart beat.
But I couldn't find any pictures of me. And I am a wonderful artist so please, no haters...
No comments:
Post a Comment