Today is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day and I just feel rage. I am so angry that Ethan died. I am so angry that countless other babies have died. When I posted my pic to Instagram, there were over 17,000 posts with the hashtag #waveoflight. SEVENTEEN THOUSAND.
So here is my picture of our candles being "lit" (they are LED). And you can sort of make out Ethan's hand and foot prints. And if you look really closely, you will see a crocheted football hat that has an ugly plastic box inside that houses the remains of my first born, my son. My gorgeous bum chinned, dark haired, soft skinned, handsome, sweet precious boy.
How do we live in a world where this happens so much. And why is relatively nothing being done about it? I don't want to donate my money to cancer research or the heart & stroke, I want to donate money to research into how babies die. Why do some have cord accidents and live? Why do some swallow meconium and die? How do we not know why Ethan died?
Fuck.
I couldn't do the Wave of Light this year. Just couldn't. Lights do indeed illuminate the darkness. But when will the world wake up and see what is in that dark place - babies dying preventable deaths? Prevention is possible, if people will just get past their fear. Doctors, researchers, donors, you can face this problem, you really can, it won't harm you. Join bereaved parents in wanting this. Be brave like us.
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