Today I went to the doctor to discuss my graduated return to work plan. I felt so anxious just sitting in the doctor's office, I can't imagine how it is going to be when I return to work. I have a return to work plan that seems like it will work.
I made the appointment for earlier in the day and a thankfully, a friend drove me. But since DH wasn't home yet, I walked home from the doctor. And lucky me, it is a pretty nice day today.
But when I was walking home I felt sad. Not my normal sad that I've felt since Ethan died, but a different kind. And I couldn't put my finger on it. I even walked down a different street so I wouldn't have to see the school and the moms with their strollers. Then it donned on me. I should be walking around the neighbourhood with MY stroller and MY Ethan! Whoa. Who knew a simple walk would bring such pain?
I was almost home. I was proud of myself for identifying the problem. Then I saw a stroller, on my street. And I know there are no babies on my street... but the woman was far in front of me so I assumed she go into her house by the time I caught up to her. But nope! By the time I walked by she had placed the stroller on the driveway with the baby looking out at me. And she smiled at me. And I caught a quick glimpse of the baby. And I started BAWLING! Walking down the street, like a maniac.
No one was home at my house, so I went to the neighbour's house and asked for a hug. And cried on her shoulder.
Now it turns out that I've never seen this baby before because although she was born in December, she just got out of the NICU. She was a super preemie, weighing just over 1 pound. So says the neighbour. So I do feel for them. But at least they eventually got to bring their baby home.
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